I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
