Your tits are I can't wait for
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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