Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
