Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
