I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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