He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
