yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He better not be in your backpack
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
