I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
