If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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