yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
