Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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