Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
