checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
