you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
