you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
