then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
