My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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