yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize