Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
