I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
