Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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