I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
