totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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