You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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