Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
