Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
