mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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