THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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