I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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