I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
