i don't like sucking hair
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
