can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
