So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
