Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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