those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
