Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
