We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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