if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize