their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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