Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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