I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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