I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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