just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize