in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
