I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
