I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
