Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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