I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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