about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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