I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
