and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
