I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do herpes really smell.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
