Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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