Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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