Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
