she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
don't judge my taste in strippers
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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