the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
