I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
