lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
