I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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