i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You need Xanax blowdarts
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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