i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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