So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
