I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
