I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
