Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
