Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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