I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
