She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
