If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Holy sore nipples Batman
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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