your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
