i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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