JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
