i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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