the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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