youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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