Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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