I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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