I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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