Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
