im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I see more hoeing in ur future
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