It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
